So You Think You're In "LOVE" ?

Love is a tricky emotion. There are some things that feel like love but they are much too superficial to be the real thing. Real love takes time and doesn't happen over night. Here are three things that people often confuse for love.

Lust

Lust is the feeling that is often mistaken for love at first sight. Lust is an intense and sudden attraction to somebody you hardly know. It is mistaken for love because the attraction is so strong.
Lust can feel like love because the feelings of attraction are strong and all-consuming. The emotions stirred up by lust can feel very real but they are based on a fantasy. To love somebody you must know them well but many people fall in lust while they are still strangers. What people in lust fall for is a fantasy of what might be and reality can get lost in the excitement.
Overwhelmed by physical attraction people in lust can't keep their hands off of each other. They think about each other constantly and talk about one another all the time. Lust is a happy feeling brought on by passionate attraction. If you are inexperienced in matters of the heart it is very easy to mistake all that passion for love.
Lust differs from love like night differs from day. Lust happens in the early phase of a relationship when people don’t yet know each other. Lust is based on a fantasy, and the fantasy and reality don’t always mesh up. This is where lust runs out of steam.
Although physical attraction is definitely a key ingredient in any romantic relationship, love is more than just a physical longing. If a relationship is all about physical attraction it is based on lust. Really loving another person takes time and it can't be based on physical attraction alone.

Obsession

Obsessions are often mistaken for love because people rationalize the crazy feelings they are having. They assume that it must be love if the other person is always on their mind. Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around.
The more time and effort invested in an unhealthy obsession the more intense the obsession can become. People in an obsessed state have a one track mind where the other person is concerned and they often lose touch with who they are as an individual. This loss of individuality creates a vicious circle of behavior where the obsessed person grows more and more dependant on the other person to bolster their sense of self.
Even unrequited love, love that is not returned, can become an overwhelming obsession. When one person believes they are in a relationship that doesn't really exist, or when one person is more invested in an existing relationship than the other, the foundation for an obsession has been laid.
Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is debilitating. If you feel like you have lost yourself, if you are always striving to please your partner without them doing the same for you, and if you find yourself making all decisions in your life based on the feelings and needs of the other person you could be dealing with obsession.

Rebounding

A rebound is a relationship that starts up very quickly after another relationship has ended. Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends.
Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved want to be in love. They are used to the security of being in love and more than anything else they want to feel that security again. They convince themselves that they are in love when they are actually missing the safety and comfort of the relationship they left behind.
If an old relationship keeps interfering with the progress of a new relationship it could mean that the relationship is a rebound. When somebody is on the rebound they are not entirely over their previous relationship. They may still be trying to work out unresolved issues from that relationship. Rebound relationships may feel like love but they are still impacted by unsettled feelings from the past.

So do you still think you're in love??? maybe you should give it some thought first

http://teenadvice.about.com/od/loveanddating/a/3thingslove.htm

Sex Too Soon ?

It's no secret: Kids are having sex younger and younger, and they're not just doing it in the backseat of dad's car. They're doing it in school. In fact, more and more teens are going behind the school stage, under the bleachers and into abandoned classrooms to do more than hold hands. Here are some tips from Dr. Gary from the Tyra Banks show on how to better understand teen sexuality.

1. Acknowledge your adolescent or teenage child is becoming a sexual being -- just like you did.

2. Realize children are becoming sexualized earlier and earlier. With the advent of the Internet, we are raising the first generation of children who are just one mouse click away from x-rated websites and other adult material. Combine that with a media that saturates kids with lots of sex and sexual imagery, and you've got a recipe for kids who are sexualized by the time they're 9 or 10 years old.

3. Raging hormones are VERY hard to combat. Give your children an outlet to burn off the overwhelming feelings stirring inside of them. Sign them up for activities like dance class or sports to help them redirect their energy.

4. Have open, honest and nonjudgmental conversations with your child about sex. Sometimes parents have selective memories about their own "growing up" experiences and sexual experimentation. So let children know that you've had the same feelings they're feeling, and it's okay.

5. And if your child does have sex? Hold them closer to you. Talk to them with forgiveness and without judgment.

You tell us: What's the best way to talk to kids about sex?

How to Talk Your Parents into Anything

"But please, mom? PLEASE, MOM!?" By teenager-dom, you should know that this is not the best route to take when trying to get what you want. You're on your way to adulthood, and if you want them to see you that way, you can't switch into whine mode. Need a get-your-way road map? Follow these tips, and you'll have your big night out in your mom's car in no time.

Prove It

Setting yourself up with a bargaining chip is key. If you're looking for a later curfew, start by coming home on time for your current one. Just think of the power! "Mom, I always come home on time. I just want this one late night."

Know Your Target

Avoid angry parents like the plague. If your brother has crashed another car, it's not the time to ask for a couple of bucks for the movies. If you approach a much calmer dad, you'll have a better chance of scoring a ticket to "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist."

Do Your Homework

Treat your parental request like an ultra-difficult school project: Do some research first. It looks a lot better -- and more responsible -- if you present your parents with all the info they'll need up front. Asking to go on a weekend trip? Give them info about the hotel you'd be staying in and write up an itinerary, complete with emergency phone numbers (like those of your trip buddies). They'll know you considered them when making your plans and they'll trust your judgment much more.

Play the Game of Give and Take

The word "threaten" should not enter into your parental plan -- ever. Don't swear you'll never speak to them again if they don't give you a ride to the mall. Bargain instead, like this: "Mom, if you pick me up from the mall, I'll go to the grocery store with you afterward and help you carry things." See how easy that was? That's what we like to call "mutually beneficial."
You tell us: What are your tips and tricks for talking you parents into things?

Art of Kissing Single Women on Your First Date

At the end of a first date comes that awkward moment when you must decide if you want to kiss her or not. Also, if you do kiss her it had better be good to make a favorable impression. It may not be fair, but some single women will judge you on your first kiss as to whether she would be attracted to you want to date you again.In other words, she must feel some chemistry when she kisses you.If you are a lousy kisser, then you're going to be a failure at creating good chemistry between you and your date. Is chemistry important on a first date?
You bet it is! And if you're a great kisser, you're going to turn her on and have an edge on the other guys that date her that are lousy kissers.
So, just exactly what makes a good kisser and kisses that single women that you go out with won't forget? The key is to be soft and gentle and follow her lead...that's all there is to it.

How To Tell If A Guy Likes A Girl...

These are tough to crack sometimes...

He may do something physical - like grab you in a play way, poke you, play with your hair...(Remember when you were really young and the guy you liked punched you or tackled you?)

He may be working really hard to pay attention to you, but doesn't quite know how...

He may ask a friend of yours about you - he'll say it's just for "friend of mine" that wants to know about you.

He talks to everybody else - but when you're around he turns silent, or chokes up.

You seem to accidentally bump into him a lot of different places.

He may not say a word to you, but he shows up in the same line, at the same movie, etc.

He'll give you a little smile from across the room, but if you get near, he won't look up.

Basically - the BIG clue is that his behavior changes when you're around (compared to when he's around his buds or other girls).

DEAD Giveaway - when you talk to him he turns red. (Bingo - you can pack that puppy up and take him home...)

He'll look at you, until you turn around, then boom, he's looking the other way.

You may 'feel' like he's watching you - but he's hard to catch at it

Can you become friends after the break-up?

Yes and no. Sure we all know couples who are tighter after they split up but this is a rare situation and I personally think that these types of friendships still harbor unresolved issues from the relationship that make it so that neither party is ready or able to fully move on. While being openly hostile to an ex also demonstrates unresolved issues/feelings and an inability to move forward, being buddy-buddy with a former flame is not as mature and civilized as it may seem on the surface. That said it is more than possible, and the most desirable thing, if you and an ex can reach a place of peaceful co-existence and mutual respect. Being at the same party and having fun with and without each other = good. Showing up at a party together, hanging out together al night and only having fun because you are together = bad. See the difference? It is normal to be friendly, even friends, but it is not normal to be as together as you were when coupled only no longer officially be a couple. In befriending an ex there are a few things you must accept; it is going to take time, it won’t be easy, there will be conflicts in the friendship that arise because you were once more than friends, you can’t and shouldn’t want to be best friends, at some point you or your ex will feel uncomfortable when there is a new romance in the air for one or both of you, a too close friendship with an ex will likely cause problems in your next relationship, and that you broke up as a couple for good reasons, reasons that may still come up as issues in a friendship. If you can let go entirely of this person as an ex, and think of them only as a friend then you may be able to build something new together, but if you still see them as “your ex” this will always taint the friendship. How will you know if you’ve reached that magical point of really being “just friends?” Simple, when somebody asks you about your ex your answer will NOT being with the words “My ex…” but instead will begin with the words “My friend…”. If your first knee-jerk response to any inquiry about your ex has you thinking the way you would about any of your other friends than you have reached that magical point of truly and honestly befriending an ex. Good for you!

by Mike Hardcastle

for About.com

Need Some Breakup Rehab?

Still jonesin' for your last girlfriend? Here's a seven-step program to put you on the fast track to recovery.

1) CLEAN HOUSE

"The first step is to shift to battle mode and defend your territory by reclaiming your personal space and getting rid of any traces of her presence," says Francisco Bujan, breakup coach and author of How to Get Your Power Back After She Breaks Up. Some go as far as throwing out the mattress, but for the rest of you without as much disposable income, ditching the personal items (the tampons under the sink, the picture of you together on the fridge) should help put an end to the fl ashes of her you get every time you reach for the ice cubes.

2) PUT DOWN THE PHONE

If she wanted to hear from you, she wouldn't have broken up with you. Until U.S. cell-phone companies start offering the capability to prevent drunk-dialing, like they do in Australia, the best thing you can do is simply avoid disaster. Give your best buddy your cell phone and make him promise not to give it back, no matter how much you beg after that sixth shot of Jager.

3) BITCH AND MOAN

Chicks know the value of this; guys don't. So take a week, just one, and unload your angst on the people who care about you. But know when to stop, or your friends will stop calling you. "The most a friend can take is one or two conversations before it becomes really draining," says Bujan. "You need to look for other sources of comfort, whether a family member or a therapist." If that doesn't help, you can also vent your frustrations on paper and spare everyone involved.

4) GO TO THE GYM

Twice a day, if necessary. Take up kickboxing or a martial art that will allow you to get your aggression out—in a healthy way. "Exercise is a great way to boost the brain chemicals that make you feel happy," says Daniel Amen, M.D., author of Sex on the Brain. "When we lose people we are attached to, two chemicals go awry in the brain—serotonin, the happy, feel-good chemical; and endorphins, the painkiller. The best way to feel better naturally is to exercise." Even if you're still miserable at the end of the day, you'll be lean and buff, and we all know looking good is the sweetest revenge.

5) STOP OBSESSING

Don't dwell upon what you didn't do. Consider what you did wrong, but don't let it consume you. "It's not productive to think about it over and over again, because you'll get defensive and say, ‘She's wrong, I'm right.' Really consider what the other person is saying to you, even though it's hard to do," says Laura Grashow, Psy.D. "Think about how you can make changes." Then do it—your next girlfriend will thank you.

6) STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

Does the following sound familiar: "No one will ever love me like she did. I'll never find anyone like her again." You should hope not. That bitch up and left you! "Make a mnemonic about all the things that irritate you using her name," recommends Amen. "This way you have a meditative practice to prevent you from lying to yourself." For instance, if her name is Maria, assign each letter to a trait that bothered you about her: messy, ambivalent, rigid, insecure, and annoying. So every time she pops into your head, you see her for who she is instead of idealizing her.

7) SLEEP AROUND

It seems obvious, but it works. You need to know you're wanted. Have a one-night stand (with protection, of course) to remind yourself that you're a hot stud. But hang on—resist the temptation to get sucked into another relationship right away. "Avoid the classic rebound relationship," says Grashow. "Get back out there right away, but don't have high expectations and don't try to make her into your ex."

Why guys go for outta-their-league ladies?

Men hit on hotties despite their own unattractiveness, study confirms

"You're prettier than I am," Seth Rogen's character drunkenly slurs to Katherine Heigl at one point in the 2007 movie "Knocked Up." Now a new study confirms what most of us have known all along: Men, no matter how unattractive, think they’ve got a chance with beautiful women.

By Linda Carroll
MSNBC contributor

It’s a rule, bartender Karen Brody says: The schlubbier the guy, the more likely he is to persistently pursue a pretty woman.
Brody — a lithe, slender Woodstown, N.J., bartender who looks at least a decade younger than her 47 years — recalls the time she was being "entertained" by a paunchy trucker with several missing front teeth. As the night wore on, he slumped to one side and eventually toppled off his barstool. When she raced around to make sure he was OK, the plump patron immediately resumed his pick-up patter — from the floor.
Apparently, the pudgy trucker isn't just an aberration, and the come-ons aren't just the after-effects of alcohol. A new study confirms what women say they've known all along: Men, no matter how unattractive, think they’ve got a chance with a runway model.

The proof was in the matchmaking Web site HOTorNOT.com, a site where members rate each others' "hotness." The site offered a treasure trove of data: It contained information not only on dating habits of its members, but also on the members’ opinions of their own attractiveness and the "hotness" of potential dates, according to a study published in a recent issue of Psychological Science.
Researchers studied ratings and dating information from 16,550 members during a 10-day period in 2005. All members studied were heterosexual, with 75 percent males and 25 percent female.
Using this data, they determined that the physical attractiveness of a potential mate was more important to men than women. And men were less likely than women to think that their own lack of attractiveness — based both on a self assessment and the ratings of others — should stand in the way of a date with someone "hot."
Maybe men think women have all read "The Frog Prince" and taken it to heart, allowing us to look past an ugly exterior in the search for inner beauty. Or perhaps it’s that men have internalized the messages in the popular media: movies like "Knocked Up," where the slacker hero lands a beautiful babe, or TV shows like "According to Jim," in which a difficult, slobby guy is coupled with a gorgeous wife.
The lead author of the study, Leonard Lee, an assistant professor at Columbia’s Graduate School of Business, thinks these far-fetched movie and TV couples might explain why unfortunate-looking men tend to hold out such high hopes. But he wonders whether the unattractive guys eventually learn that their chances are slim regardless of what they see on screen. There’s another important finding in the study, he says: The 10s among us, both male and female, want only to date other 10s.
There are hints in the HOTorNOT.com data that suggest men do learn to accept their limitations: They apparently hedge their bets by asking for more dates. In fact, the men in the study requested a full 240 percent more dates than the women. Researchers didn't look at how many of these online come-ons were successful, but the number of dates most men asked for might be a sign that the less attractive among us — even the men — recognize that they may have to settle for dating someone who is closer to them on the "hotness" scale.
"Good looking people are always looking for other good looking people," says Helen Fisher, a professor at Rutgers University who studies mating behavior and romantic love.
"And ultimately, men figure their own good looks are not as important as a woman’s," says Fisher, who wasn't involved with the study. "They figure they’re selling a whole lot of things that women want that aren’t associated with being attractive."

Besides, from an evolutionary perspective, men are simply looking for the woman most likely to produce a strong healthy baby — so that means they’re often focused on physical attractiveness.
"Men might as well reach for the stars," says William Pollack, a Harvard University psychologist and the director of the Center for Men and Young Men at McLean Hospital. "Women are the ones who are going to have the baby. They need to be a little more picky."
In the end, there might be some signs that boorish boys know they’re overreaching — and that may be expressed in the level of their braggadocio.
When a really attractive man is interested in a date, Brody says, he’s quieter and more cautious. "He’ll come back a bunch of times and try to get to know me before asking," she adds.