Clay is GAY: Aiken comes out of the closet..

Clay Aiken appears on the cover of the latest People magazine holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken, with the headline: "Yes, I'm Gay."
The 29-year-old former "American Idol" runner-up, multiplatinum recording artist and Broadway star credits his son, conceived by in-vitro fertilization with friend and producer Jaymes Foster, with making him realize that he could no longer hide his homosexuality from the world.
"It was the first decision I made as a father," Aiken told the magazine, which arrives on newsstands Friday. "I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things. I wasn't raised that way, and I'm not going to raise a child to do that."
Aiken, who rose to fame on "Idol" in 2003, has long been the subject of rumors and tabloid fodder that he was gay, but usually refused to acknowledge them. In an interview with The Associated Press two years ago, he said of the talk: "I don't really feel like I have anybody to answer to but myself and God and the people I love."
Aiken said he only told his family that he was gay four years ago. He recalled a tearful discussion with his mother in a car after dropping off his brother, who was being sent to Iraq, at a military base.
"It was dark. I was sitting there, thinking to myself. I don't know why I started thinking about it ... I just started bawling. She made me pull over the car and it just came out," he said. "She started crying. She was obviously somewhat stunned. But she was very supportive and very comforting."
Aiken said his mother "still struggles with things quite a bit, but she's come a long way."
The magazine cover features Aiken holding his son, who was born in August. The baby's mother is Aiken's record producer, whom he met while performing on "Idol."
Aiken, who considers himself a born-again Christian, said he knows he may turn off some fans — known as Claymates — with his admission and his decision to have a child outside traditional marriage.
"I've never intended to lie to anybody at all," he said. "But if they leave, I don't want them to leave hating me."
Gay groups applauded Aiken's public admission.
"We congratulate Clay for making this decision and for setting an example for others and his family," said Neil Giuliano, president of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. As we're seeing, more and more gay people, including celebrities, are living openly and honestly, and this has tremendous impact in terms of creating awareness, understanding and acceptance."
Aiken recently released the CD "On My Way Here." He made his Broadway debut this spring in "Monty Python's Spamalot."

By NEKESA MUMBI MOODY

Art of Kissing Single Women on Your First Date

At the end of a first date comes that awkward moment when you must decide if you want to kiss her or not. Also, if you do kiss her it had better be good to make a favorable impression. It may not be fair, but some single women will judge you on your first kiss as to whether she would be attracted to you want to date you again.In other words, she must feel some chemistry when she kisses you.If you are a lousy kisser, then you're going to be a failure at creating good chemistry between you and your date. Is chemistry important on a first date?
You bet it is! And if you're a great kisser, you're going to turn her on and have an edge on the other guys that date her that are lousy kissers.
So, just exactly what makes a good kisser and kisses that single women that you go out with won't forget? The key is to be soft and gentle and follow her lead...that's all there is to it.

How To Tell If A Guy Likes A Girl...

These are tough to crack sometimes...

He may do something physical - like grab you in a play way, poke you, play with your hair...(Remember when you were really young and the guy you liked punched you or tackled you?)

He may be working really hard to pay attention to you, but doesn't quite know how...

He may ask a friend of yours about you - he'll say it's just for "friend of mine" that wants to know about you.

He talks to everybody else - but when you're around he turns silent, or chokes up.

You seem to accidentally bump into him a lot of different places.

He may not say a word to you, but he shows up in the same line, at the same movie, etc.

He'll give you a little smile from across the room, but if you get near, he won't look up.

Basically - the BIG clue is that his behavior changes when you're around (compared to when he's around his buds or other girls).

DEAD Giveaway - when you talk to him he turns red. (Bingo - you can pack that puppy up and take him home...)

He'll look at you, until you turn around, then boom, he's looking the other way.

You may 'feel' like he's watching you - but he's hard to catch at it

Can you become friends after the break-up?

Yes and no. Sure we all know couples who are tighter after they split up but this is a rare situation and I personally think that these types of friendships still harbor unresolved issues from the relationship that make it so that neither party is ready or able to fully move on. While being openly hostile to an ex also demonstrates unresolved issues/feelings and an inability to move forward, being buddy-buddy with a former flame is not as mature and civilized as it may seem on the surface. That said it is more than possible, and the most desirable thing, if you and an ex can reach a place of peaceful co-existence and mutual respect. Being at the same party and having fun with and without each other = good. Showing up at a party together, hanging out together al night and only having fun because you are together = bad. See the difference? It is normal to be friendly, even friends, but it is not normal to be as together as you were when coupled only no longer officially be a couple. In befriending an ex there are a few things you must accept; it is going to take time, it won’t be easy, there will be conflicts in the friendship that arise because you were once more than friends, you can’t and shouldn’t want to be best friends, at some point you or your ex will feel uncomfortable when there is a new romance in the air for one or both of you, a too close friendship with an ex will likely cause problems in your next relationship, and that you broke up as a couple for good reasons, reasons that may still come up as issues in a friendship. If you can let go entirely of this person as an ex, and think of them only as a friend then you may be able to build something new together, but if you still see them as “your ex” this will always taint the friendship. How will you know if you’ve reached that magical point of really being “just friends?” Simple, when somebody asks you about your ex your answer will NOT being with the words “My ex…” but instead will begin with the words “My friend…”. If your first knee-jerk response to any inquiry about your ex has you thinking the way you would about any of your other friends than you have reached that magical point of truly and honestly befriending an ex. Good for you!

by Mike Hardcastle

for About.com

Need Some Breakup Rehab?

Still jonesin' for your last girlfriend? Here's a seven-step program to put you on the fast track to recovery.

1) CLEAN HOUSE

"The first step is to shift to battle mode and defend your territory by reclaiming your personal space and getting rid of any traces of her presence," says Francisco Bujan, breakup coach and author of How to Get Your Power Back After She Breaks Up. Some go as far as throwing out the mattress, but for the rest of you without as much disposable income, ditching the personal items (the tampons under the sink, the picture of you together on the fridge) should help put an end to the fl ashes of her you get every time you reach for the ice cubes.

2) PUT DOWN THE PHONE

If she wanted to hear from you, she wouldn't have broken up with you. Until U.S. cell-phone companies start offering the capability to prevent drunk-dialing, like they do in Australia, the best thing you can do is simply avoid disaster. Give your best buddy your cell phone and make him promise not to give it back, no matter how much you beg after that sixth shot of Jager.

3) BITCH AND MOAN

Chicks know the value of this; guys don't. So take a week, just one, and unload your angst on the people who care about you. But know when to stop, or your friends will stop calling you. "The most a friend can take is one or two conversations before it becomes really draining," says Bujan. "You need to look for other sources of comfort, whether a family member or a therapist." If that doesn't help, you can also vent your frustrations on paper and spare everyone involved.

4) GO TO THE GYM

Twice a day, if necessary. Take up kickboxing or a martial art that will allow you to get your aggression out—in a healthy way. "Exercise is a great way to boost the brain chemicals that make you feel happy," says Daniel Amen, M.D., author of Sex on the Brain. "When we lose people we are attached to, two chemicals go awry in the brain—serotonin, the happy, feel-good chemical; and endorphins, the painkiller. The best way to feel better naturally is to exercise." Even if you're still miserable at the end of the day, you'll be lean and buff, and we all know looking good is the sweetest revenge.

5) STOP OBSESSING

Don't dwell upon what you didn't do. Consider what you did wrong, but don't let it consume you. "It's not productive to think about it over and over again, because you'll get defensive and say, ‘She's wrong, I'm right.' Really consider what the other person is saying to you, even though it's hard to do," says Laura Grashow, Psy.D. "Think about how you can make changes." Then do it—your next girlfriend will thank you.

6) STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

Does the following sound familiar: "No one will ever love me like she did. I'll never find anyone like her again." You should hope not. That bitch up and left you! "Make a mnemonic about all the things that irritate you using her name," recommends Amen. "This way you have a meditative practice to prevent you from lying to yourself." For instance, if her name is Maria, assign each letter to a trait that bothered you about her: messy, ambivalent, rigid, insecure, and annoying. So every time she pops into your head, you see her for who she is instead of idealizing her.

7) SLEEP AROUND

It seems obvious, but it works. You need to know you're wanted. Have a one-night stand (with protection, of course) to remind yourself that you're a hot stud. But hang on—resist the temptation to get sucked into another relationship right away. "Avoid the classic rebound relationship," says Grashow. "Get back out there right away, but don't have high expectations and don't try to make her into your ex."

Diwali should not be used as the basis for a pageant

Dear Editor,

The announcement of the Miss Diwali pageant has been met by opposition from individuals and religious groups who have asked that Diwali be recognized as a religious festival which celebrates universal spiritual values and none of the obsessions with the physical body which pageants promote.
Diwali is a reminder to us, forgotten in the past years in Guyana, that Mother Lakshmi is manifested in every women, regardless of her age or her marital status or her looks or her physical abilities. Diwali reminds us of our humanity, and of the qualities on which we will be judged. The Miss Diwali pageant promotes a set of values about glamour and elegance and it makes young women the objects of such pursuits.
To my astonishment businesses are supporting this upcoming event even though it has nothing to do with the real significance of Diwali. The committee is focusing more on women dressed up and paraded on a stage rather than the spiritual aspect of Diwali, and if this continues in years to come the real meaning of Diwali would gradually fade away.There are many other cultural and educational events in mandirs and schools, in which all persons, regardless of their gender or age can participate.
We therefore call on the organisers and their supporters to desist from using Diwali as a basis for this event and our Lakshmis not to be carried away by the materialistic things that will be offered. We therefore hope that the organisers and their supporters in the private sector use their resources instead to help promote the values of Diwali and the Hindu faith.

Yours faithfully,

Pandit Amit Persaud

http://www.stabroeknews.com/letters/diwali-should-not-be-used-as-the-basis-for-a-pageant/

Why guys go for outta-their-league ladies?

Men hit on hotties despite their own unattractiveness, study confirms

"You're prettier than I am," Seth Rogen's character drunkenly slurs to Katherine Heigl at one point in the 2007 movie "Knocked Up." Now a new study confirms what most of us have known all along: Men, no matter how unattractive, think they’ve got a chance with beautiful women.

By Linda Carroll
MSNBC contributor

It’s a rule, bartender Karen Brody says: The schlubbier the guy, the more likely he is to persistently pursue a pretty woman.
Brody — a lithe, slender Woodstown, N.J., bartender who looks at least a decade younger than her 47 years — recalls the time she was being "entertained" by a paunchy trucker with several missing front teeth. As the night wore on, he slumped to one side and eventually toppled off his barstool. When she raced around to make sure he was OK, the plump patron immediately resumed his pick-up patter — from the floor.
Apparently, the pudgy trucker isn't just an aberration, and the come-ons aren't just the after-effects of alcohol. A new study confirms what women say they've known all along: Men, no matter how unattractive, think they’ve got a chance with a runway model.

The proof was in the matchmaking Web site HOTorNOT.com, a site where members rate each others' "hotness." The site offered a treasure trove of data: It contained information not only on dating habits of its members, but also on the members’ opinions of their own attractiveness and the "hotness" of potential dates, according to a study published in a recent issue of Psychological Science.
Researchers studied ratings and dating information from 16,550 members during a 10-day period in 2005. All members studied were heterosexual, with 75 percent males and 25 percent female.
Using this data, they determined that the physical attractiveness of a potential mate was more important to men than women. And men were less likely than women to think that their own lack of attractiveness — based both on a self assessment and the ratings of others — should stand in the way of a date with someone "hot."
Maybe men think women have all read "The Frog Prince" and taken it to heart, allowing us to look past an ugly exterior in the search for inner beauty. Or perhaps it’s that men have internalized the messages in the popular media: movies like "Knocked Up," where the slacker hero lands a beautiful babe, or TV shows like "According to Jim," in which a difficult, slobby guy is coupled with a gorgeous wife.
The lead author of the study, Leonard Lee, an assistant professor at Columbia’s Graduate School of Business, thinks these far-fetched movie and TV couples might explain why unfortunate-looking men tend to hold out such high hopes. But he wonders whether the unattractive guys eventually learn that their chances are slim regardless of what they see on screen. There’s another important finding in the study, he says: The 10s among us, both male and female, want only to date other 10s.
There are hints in the HOTorNOT.com data that suggest men do learn to accept their limitations: They apparently hedge their bets by asking for more dates. In fact, the men in the study requested a full 240 percent more dates than the women. Researchers didn't look at how many of these online come-ons were successful, but the number of dates most men asked for might be a sign that the less attractive among us — even the men — recognize that they may have to settle for dating someone who is closer to them on the "hotness" scale.
"Good looking people are always looking for other good looking people," says Helen Fisher, a professor at Rutgers University who studies mating behavior and romantic love.
"And ultimately, men figure their own good looks are not as important as a woman’s," says Fisher, who wasn't involved with the study. "They figure they’re selling a whole lot of things that women want that aren’t associated with being attractive."

Besides, from an evolutionary perspective, men are simply looking for the woman most likely to produce a strong healthy baby — so that means they’re often focused on physical attractiveness.
"Men might as well reach for the stars," says William Pollack, a Harvard University psychologist and the director of the Center for Men and Young Men at McLean Hospital. "Women are the ones who are going to have the baby. They need to be a little more picky."
In the end, there might be some signs that boorish boys know they’re overreaching — and that may be expressed in the level of their braggadocio.
When a really attractive man is interested in a date, Brody says, he’s quieter and more cautious. "He’ll come back a bunch of times and try to get to know me before asking," she adds.